Bless the Lord

So, if you know me, you know there is always a soundtrack to my life.  Seriously, I have a song for everything.  On Sunday, we sang this song in church.  I literally sat and sobbed (alone might I add) in my pew.  It made me think about Gammy.  A lot. 

"And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore"


On Gammy's final days, she was unable to communitate except through grunts, some hand gestures, or her eyes.  What sticks out to me the most were here eyes.  You could still feel her presence.  You could feel her love.  You could sense her passion for life and her family.  Her eyes could almost burn into your soul. 

On my dying days, I hope I too am surrounded by my family, looking at me lovingly, and look at them with such JOY in the midst of staring death in the face. 

This has been the hardest summer of my life. At moments, I've felt empty, sad, mad, and incredibly angry at God.  I hate that she suffered.  I hate that she had to go so soon.  I hate that I had to deal with it all alone, with a husband who is thousands of miles away.  I hate watching my Big Guy so incredibly sad. 

But, even in the midst of my sorrow, I've seen so much good coming our way. I've reminded myself that: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 I have come a long way in three months, but I feel like I can finally pick up my Bible again and say these words:

"You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name"