Goodbye 2010...and Hello New Adventure!

I found this picture on our camera-I guess James got one last shot of Shepard as we left town.  2010 was an amazing year-one that I will never forget.  I don't get into "resolutions" but I do have a list of things that I want to accomplish in the new year.  Here we go:

1) Lose the baby weight (15 lbs from Jacob and another 5-10 still left from Connor).
2) Train for and run the Salt Lake City Half Marathon with Megan.
3) Get Zumba certified and teach three days a week (if we go to Minot, I will wait to get my certification until September).
5) Get out of my frumpy mode...seriously...it's time to ditch the granny panties and torn sleep pants...I am way too young to feel so ulgh about myself.  
6) Help James meet his goal of being DG.  He CAN and WILL do it!
7) And last, but certainly not least, it's time to start reading the Bible daily...and possibly read through the entire Bible.  I have to make this a daily priority. 

4.5 Years Later...

It seems weird to look back only 4 1/2 years ago at both James and I on my move in day. I moved here to start my Air Force career in May 2006, to my very own one bedroom apartment, while James lived on base in the dorms. Everything I owned fit into my brand new, shiny 2006 Honda Civic and my mom's Jeep Wrangler. Seriously. I'm not joking. Well, my one bedroom apartment and James' dorm room were traded in for a three bedroom house and the Civic was traded for a four door Accord.  Life. 

Since starting our life in Wichita Falls, we got a cat, James graduated from pilot training and became an instructor pilot, we got married, bought a house, got another cat, had Connor, I left active duty, got rid of the second cat, we sold the house, and then we had Jacob. I think our load is something like 8,900 pounds of goods. We've come a long way in what seems like such a short time.

I don't think I can make it through a post of all of the many friends we will miss.  It took 4.5 years to make some amazing friends that can't be replaced.  We've already waved goodbye to many, so it's really weird to be the ones saying goodbye. Pretty much, I've been crying for weeks already (the same as I did before I left Baylor).  

So, for now, enjoy looking at how fast 4 1/2 years has aged both of us!

 Move-In Day in May 2006

Time to leave November 2010

Jacob's Birth

He's finally here!  I am still in shock.  I have to keep reminding myself that I am a mom to TWO boys.  God must think a lot of James and I, giving us a new generation of men to raise. What a responsibility.  The birth was picture perfect.  Here is the whole story, even though it seems like there isn't much to tell:

Sunday morning around 4:30 am, I woke up and started having regular contractions.  They lasted for a few hours before I woke James up.  Around 7 am, I called my mom and told her I thought labor was imminet that day.  Mom, Ashley, & Ryan started driving around 10 am Sunday.  Well, those contractions fizzled about that time, but they decided to still come anyway.  I continued to get sporatic contractions on Monday as well, but nothing happened.  Ashley and Ryan had to leave on Tuesday and literally, the minute they walked out the door (around 12:30 pm), contractions started coming.  Since I had been having contractions regularly, I didn't think much of it.  The only difference in these was the throbbing in my back. 

James and I had planned on going to a movie and lunch that day since my mom was still here to watch Connor.  Half way there I decided that I was really in labor and that it was going to happen that day.  We stopped at Whataburger, got a milkshake, and went home.  I labored at home until around 8 pm-I was worried to get to the hospital too soon, but my mom saw my emotional cue that it was in fact, time to go and she swiftly kicked us out the door.

James made me laugh through most of the contractions during the drive because he was driving CRAZY!  You would've thought I was pushing in the back seat or something-running stop signs on base, driving 10 miles over the speed limit, and racing into a parking spot.  Getting into the hospital was hilarious too.  We had just missed the complimentary valet parking, so we had to park and walk in.  We took our time, but as soon as James could get his hands on a wheelchair, he was off racing again!  I think we hit every wall on the way in.  Once in triage, we found out I was already 5 cm dialated, 80% effaced and the baby had already settled into the pelvis.  Great news!!

While in triage, Martha was allowed to come in (Martha was our doula) and she just instantly calmed me.  She praised my relaxation and told me how good I was doing.  That was awesome to hear in those moments.  Once we got into the room, we instantly got to work.  I don't remember much, but know that transition was awful.  There were about 30 minutes of back-to-back contractions that seemed to never end.  Martha, James and mom just kept telling me it was almost over.  It was also awesome to hear what exactly the baby was doing through each contraction.  Being unmedicated, you can feel the baby move right into place.  I even felt him kick off the top of my uterus to get ready to come out!  It was amazing! 

Dr. Jones arrived at the hospital around 11:30 to break my water and he had me start pushing after that.  He thought I had a little pushing to do, so he suggested I lay on my side to push and left the room (this was round midnight).  Well, obviously, I didn't have much to do, and 18 or so minutes later, Jacob was born! 

I need to add in here that James was my "calm" the entire labor.  I didn't realize it until he was gone, but the man literally hugged me through each contraction, placing counter pressure on my belly.  No one else knew how to do it just right.  After a few hours, James had to use the restroom and my mom took over the "pressure hug."  Not that my mom did it wrong or anything, but she just wasn't James. I think the comfort was just knowing he was with me.  During the pushing stage, I remember hugging tight to James shoulders during each contraction.  I am pretty sure I left a bruise on his arms, but I never checked to make sure :)  I feel so empowered as a couple and in my ability to relax and actually TRUST James to get me through.  It was pretty remarkable and a true testament to our growth as husband and wife.

James' Labor Position

 

They let James cut the chord and Jacob was immediatly placed on my belly where he stayed for about an hour and a half before the nurse had to weigh and measure him.  He was able to nurse within minutes of birth as well.  This birth was just so peaceful-exactly how I imagined it to be.  Jacob is so precious and is already so much like James-calm and quiet.  It truly was a joyful birth!

I thought I loved him then...

This song always gets me.  It's Brad Paisley's "Then."  It's amazing how you think you really love someone when you first meet, marry, then start a life.  It just always gets better!  Here are the lyrics:

I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you
You had me mezmorized
And three weeks later, in the front porch light
taking forty-five minutes to kiss goodnight
I hadn't told you yet
but I thought I loved you then
And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

And i remember, taking you back to right where I first met you,
You were so surprised
There were people around, but I didn't care
Got down on one knee right there once again,
I thought I loved you then

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

I could just see you, with a baby on the way
And I could just see you, when your hair is turning gray
What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more
But I've said that before

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say
And I thought I loved you then

Halloween!

Halloween this year was SO MUCH FUN!  I tell you what, trick-or-treating on base was a blast.  EVERYONE was out-it reminded me of the old neighborhood in The Meadows when I was a kid.  We picked out a pumpkin a few weeks ago at the local pumpkin patch that a church hosts.  We finally carved it!  Connor was so not interested, but James and I had fun anyway.  Our first Killian pumpkin! 

We dressed up Connor as a Railroad Engineer.  I had to find something that he would actually keep on and would look cute.  He loves anything with an engine, so I thought it was perfect.  I had the overalls, but bought the hat.  My mom dirtied up his face with some eyeliner and we were ready to go!  She practiced putting candy IN the bucket before we went out.  I think that was so smart.  

What also made it special was spending it with not only my mom, but our best friends here at Sheppard.  Brooke and; Matt came over to help my mom pass out candy and we took Jude and Connor trick or treating with Jenn and Andrew. Here's a pic of the dad's and their boys.  Isn't Jude such a scary dragon? 

Jude and Connor's first trick or treat.  After this, they pretty much just rode in the wagon while James pulled them right up to the door.  Everyone seemed to dress up to hand out candy, and I think that scared the boys a little bit.  They were just not quite sure about witches and such. 

Somebody was pretty hyper after all the candy!

I was trying to catch Connor to get a picture of the entire outfit and he was a moving after all the candy!  Thanks for holding him down Brooke!

Peanut's Baby Shower

My Bible Study gals threw Peanut a baby shower yesterday.  I can't tell you how much I love these girls and so appreciate them throwing me a party.  I had a few at work when I was pregnant with Connor, but I never had one with girlfriends, wearing cute clothes and such :)  Here are a few pictures from the party.

Me & Mom before we left for the shower. I love her :)

Me & Katie's bellies. Katie is due on Dec 28th with a boy!

Me with the hostesses-Jenn Pellegrin, Katie Maulsby, and Brooke Keilen

Everyone at the party!

Female vs. Male Ratio

We all know I grew up in a single parent home-and that parent was my mom. In our family, it was just my mom, my sister, and me. All girls. Even our pets were girls. We first had Chelsea (cocker spaniel), then Belle (a pointer), then came Zoe (another pointer, but Ashley's dog). The first "man in the house" was Sammy-my dog that I still have. I wonder if that was some foreshadowing?

It was just interesting to me that even though I grew up around all women, I am currently comfortably surrounded my men. James, Connor, Sammy, & Stewart-all males. It is so interesting to me how God can just flip life whenever he chooses.  I have had many dreams about the baby and the outcome is always the same.  I wake up joyfullying saying "it's Jacob!" I am so anxious to find out what this next baby is, but I think I know.  When I was pregnant with Connor, I knew almost immediately that he was a boy.  It's taken me a while to get that feeling, but my gut says boy. 

I was told by a lady at work the other day that I gained the "back/hip fat" that you gain when you are pregnant with a boy.  I've only gained 26 lbs so far, but I can see what she means.  I do have that, so maybe her old wives tail will just be true.  Only three more weeks until we know for sure!

Sammy :)

He's always been my main muse when it comes to taking pictures.  He seems to fully understand what I want him to do and when.  I captured this one yesterday-it seems like my three days of photography have culminated nicely in this picture.  I love this dog.  Even when he barks and wakes up Connor prematurely from a nap.  Even when he is on top of me when I sleep and can't roll over to get off of a stiff leg.  Even when he poops at my feet RIGHT after I let him outside.  Even when he pees all over himself when James is "disciplining" him.  Even when he digs holes in the backyard to escape.  Even when he eats out of the litter box and tries to kiss me right after.  This dog is irreplaceable and there will never, ever be another Sammy.

The BEST birthday present EVER!

So, I've been whining about wanting a Canon Rebel for YEARS now.  Ever since I used one in High School for the yearbook and journalism, I've been dying to have my own.  James cashed in our credit card rewards and VOILA!  I am the proud new owner of a Canon Rebel T1i.  He says it's money well spent and I should never have to hire a photographer again (we'll see about that.) I've had so much fun these past two days playing with the manual settings and trying to stay away from using the presets.  Here are just a few of the things I captured today while Connor was outside playing.  I was having fun with the lighting and shutter speeds.  I can already tell this blog will soon be full of pictures, pictures, and more pictures!  Can you tell I'm EXCITED?!?

My first picture with the camera :) 

I love how blue this makes his eyes-toying with settings and lighting.

Boo!

I was trying to blur out everything behind Sammy.  I think I was semi-successful.

Professional?  Maybe close!

Here I was trying to wash out everything behind him and just have him.  I think it kinda worked.

Ending It...

My love/hate relationship with Facebook that is.  I have been wanting to deactivate my account for a long time.  I have been logging into the site since 2004.  For 6 years, I have dedicated countless hours to peeking into the lives of friends and sometimes, strangers.  What started off as a fun way to keep up to date on cute boys & where people were hanging out on Friday nights, has ended up as a way to lazily keep tabs on friends and family. 

It's time for a change.  I have decided that since I can't control my urge to log on, I will just deactivate the account until I can figure out how to-if ever. 

There is a lot about internet communication that bothers me. I don't like when people ask favors over the internet (or text messages for that matter).  I don't like only knowing someone by their facebook profile.  I don't like how messages can be misinterpreted.  I don't like how I can misinterpret messages.  Basically, I don't like anything other than face to face communication.  Things always get jumbled otherwise.  I also don't like how easy it is for me to depersonalize people and react in mean ways, when I otherwise may not have done so.  I don't like how lazy it has made me in calling friends-new and old.  Bottom line is, it is time to get back to basics. 

James and I got rid of our cable television over a month ago and that has been so freeing.  In these past 6 weeks, I have studied the Bible more, read more books, cleaned house, made dinners, and spent more time on the floor reading & playing with Connor.  The logical next step was to delete my other time waster-Facebook.  So, for now, this blog and our Shutterfly Site (connorjkillian.shutterfly.com) are the only online links to the Killian household.   

Connor's Growing Vocabulary

I wanted to start a list of Connor's words and keep telling myself "write this stuff down!"  Well, I am getting progressively worse at putting anything on paper, so here you go blog.  You get the list! 

Mommy
Daddy
NiNi (Judy at my mom's office)
MiMi (my mom)
Sammy (which sounds like Namy)
My Meow (Stewart)
Car
Beep-Beep (truck)
Daddy's (airplanes)
Peach
Night-Night
Doodie (typical boy)
Juice
Hewo (hello)
Bye-Bye
Beans
Bock-Bock (when eating chicken )
Moo (when eating beef)

More new ones are added everyday, but my favorite that he said is "my mommy!"  I love that-it's his version of "I love you Mom."

Already a sweet big brother!

You can't always get what you want...

But you will find in time-you get what you need.  So, assignments came down and while I still wake up in the middle of the night with dreams that they have changed, they haven't.  Here's the skinny.  James wanted this:

The F-15 E.  But instead, he got this:

The B-52

Were we disappointed? Sure. James was needless to say devastated. How is it that you go from the #1 CGO in your squadron the year prior to the bottom guy? I also happened to peek at his ranking from pilot training while I worked in the Wing and know for a fact he would have gotten his number one choice of fighters had he not put instructor down first.  Can we talk about guilt that I wanted him to stay with me instead of going off, pursuing his dreams? 

I guess for all you non-military folks-most pilots do not want to fly a bomber (especially fighter guys). It is for the "sissies." So, in order for James to get his last choice, we have to assume he was ranked pretty low amongst his peers, which I still don't understand, but isn't that the point?

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

Our main prayer over the last three years looking to the assignment drop was just that His will was done.  We never prayed specifics (sometimes I did, but not regularly).  It was if in a way, we knew all along He had something greater in store for us as a family.  Through the course of this mourning/healing process we have come to agree on a few things.  One, we know this life is not our own and that sometimes, Faith isn't understanding why you are following in that exact moment.  Sometimes Faith is following without knowing where you are going.  Blind Faith.  Interesting concept, right?  Second, when have we as humans ever known what we really want or really need?  God is the big planner, not us, so why on earth would we know what was best? 

After going through the list of positives versus negatives, there are way more positives to this air frame than the others.  One, it is way more family friendly.  James wants to be home more as it is, so this will be the perfect fit in that aspect.  Second, James' personality will match a lot better in a bomber community.  We all know James is a quiet dude (he is type A under the surface) but in a fighter community, it would have been more of a struggle for him to exert himself.  Third, there are a ton of great people in these communities. We have friends from Baylor and Sheppard that are all there, so we are excited about that.  Fourth, being a bomber pilot as a former FAIP is actually a good deal.  He can go straight to being the aircraft commander vs having to do years worth of upgrades that he would have done as a fighter guy.  And finally, he still gets to drop bombs.  TONS of them! 

I have already started planning our life in Shreveport and am ready for this new adventure.  I am trusting right now that God has a plan and I will follow it.  Sometimes you don't understand why things happen, but in the long run, you can always look back and see the purpose in anything.

Saying Goodbye to Our First Home

Well, it has hit me.  We are no longer home owners and the very first place we lived together and made our own is a thing of the past.  This morning, Connor and I dropped off Gloria (James' Mom) at her car, which was still parked at our old neighbors house.  (She was having issues with the starter, so decided to not start it unless 100% necessary).  Connor got so excited to see that house.  There was the big moving truck, moving in the new owners belongings and Connor started to run excitedly to the front door. 

I was floored.  Okay, I starting weeping right there and started my "melt-down".  I have been waiting for it to happen and it happened this morning.  The move is complete.  It is no longer ours.  The house where so many wonderful things happened-gone. Forever.  I had to stop myself so I could explain to him that this was no longer our home, but that we had a new house.  He sees our things in this new house, but I don't think it's all processed quite yet.  It was funny watching him see all of our things coming off of the moving truck yesterday.  He would point to something of mine and say "Mommy's" or his "Connor's" or James' "Daddy's."  This is the start of our military journey-new homes every 2-3 years and is something poor little Connor will have to get used to or grow to like. 

While I'm sad, I'm also excited about this next phase and I feel like I have to share this little story of God's grace and it is truly helping me through all of my emotions.  A few months ago, I got this push to sell the house.  I couldn't explain it, I just felt like it needed to get done.  James agreed so we listed the house by owner.  We said we would try that until December and then switch to a realtor if nothing happened.  Well, we then got to late July and just decided to try it with a realtor.  We were ready to be out of the house.  So, we listed the house on a Thursday and had an offer on Tuesday.  After much negotiation, we went into contract that Wednesday.  James had already left for SOS, so I was left to do all the packing myself-luckily his mom came out and stayed for 2 weeks to get me through the move.  In the process so many things happened.  First, we didn't think we would get to move into base housing right away-we thought we would be homeless for 2 weeks.  Then a house miraculously opened up and was ready on the exact day we needed it.  Praise God!  We're not homeless!

Then, our air conditioning broke at our old house.  The repair bill?  $1,450.  OUCH.  But, guess what God did?  The housing company here on base was offering a free move in for the month of August only.  That means, we get to keep James housing allowance for the rest of August and September.  Want to know how much that is?  $1,500.  How cool is that? It's almost like God knew we would have that repair and then he instantly repaid it once we trusted Him and followed right along.

We are all moved in and I am so thankful for everything that has happened.  I have learned to trust God because he knows what he's doing!

One Reason I love my husband...

I stole this from his Facebook page. He wrote a note concerning assignments. We both know what we want, but at the end of the day, this life is not ours. It is all HIS. I love that James is accepting of that and is at peace with whatever may come our way. I am equally excited for all that God has planned for us and can't wait to find out what that is!

Peace

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own
--Matt 6:25-34

Father, guide me to the path you have planned for me and may my life be a sweet offering to you. I trust you to direct my path, and I'll rejoice in you no matter where that path leads. Please fill me with your spirit as I give you thanks for EVERYTHING in the name of Jesus Christ. My flesh and my heart may fail, but you, God, are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Humbly at your feet I'm resting. Amen.

Connor's a Ham

We should have known then that he was going to entertain us all. It's so funny to me to go back and look at how he has always had the same personality. I keep thinking it's something we can enhance or create, but really, it's what you're given. He loves being in the center and keeping us all laughing-and this just proves it! At three months old, he could do just that :)

Ain't Life Funny?

I ran across this article last night in a random blog I was in and it just cracks me up.  Two years ago, I was exactly like the complainant.  I remember asking Laurel Krey and Danielle Haynes "What DO you do all day?"  Their response?  "Umm...I'm not sure.  We read books, play..."  Now I totally get it.  Time flies and you have no idea how to slow it down.  By the time you get a shower, it's time for lunch or sometimes even dinner.  My rule is that I have to be bathed and dressed by the time James gets home.  Thank goodness he's late so much!  Here's the article:

I remember when I found out my separation package was accepted and I knew for sure I would be a stay at home mom, I started filling up my days  with activities (like music class, play groups, Bible studies) since there was no possible way I could last 8 hours alone all day with Connor.  I'm glad that God has a sense of humor because that 8 hours normally turns into 14and I never know where my time goes.  I also learned to not fill up your days because what would normally take 5 minutes, usually turns into 30 because you have a toddler ruining anything you are trying to do (his favorite is to dive into my piles of folded laundry).  Do you want to know what a stay at home mom does?  Here's my usual schedule:

6:30:  wake up and lay in bed for a bit before Connor wakes up.
7:00:  Connor usually wakes up screaming, so I go to the fridge, grab some milk, bring it to him, lie back down while he drinks it
7:30: Get Connor up, change a diaper, go make coffee
7:30-8:30:  Breakfast time and getting Connor dressed.  I usually make James' lunch in this time as well
8:30:  get dressed to go to the YMCA to work out, pack a diaper bag and change the diaper one more time
9-10: Get to the YMCA, drop Connor off in the nursery, work out, leave
10-11:  Quick shower, while keeping a strict eye that Connor doesn't climb on the bathroom counter, get dressed, and then it's play time
11-1ish:  Connor naps.  This is the time I have to make phone calls, check emails, fold laundry, put laundry away, sweep/mop, clean bathrooms, or nap
1:  Connor wakes up, change a diaper and feed him lunch
1-5:  Usually play time.  Maybe change a few diapers or go run errands like dry cleaning, groceries, pick up prescriptions, etc.
5: Start work on dinner and make sure Connor isn't climbing on anything
6:  Feed Connor and myself
6:30:  Sit down and watch Wheel of Fortune (hey-it's educational...he's learning letters!)
7:  Bathtime!
7:30:  Time to turn off TV's, radios, etc and wind down.  We usually sit and read some books.
8:  Prayer time and bed
8-10:  Fold laundry, clean up toys, wash dishes, put dishes away, pay bills, catch up on phone calls or do any other cleaning that I can't get done while Connor is awake
10-12: Focus on James time.
12:  BED! 

I am so lucky to be doing what I do everyday.  I love being at home more than anything! Yes, there really isn't any me time in here, but who needs it?  I usually take my "me" time on Saturday mornings when James is home (and usually it's sleeping in). 

Where's the baby?

Connor seems to think he can find it hidden under my shirt.  I am now 21 weeks along (these pictures are from two weeks ago, so I've grown a bit) and am really starting to feel pregnant. The sleepless nights have started, unimaginable back pain, swelling feet, and hunger. All normal and beautiful once you look back on it all, but rather annoying in the midst of it.

I started feeling kicking a few weeks ago.  It's funny, becuase with Connor I had that "ahah" moment where I wrote down his first kick that I felt.  I haven't had that this time around-maybe I'm busier and running around and just haven't noticed, but the kicks are definately stronger now than they were four weeks ago. 

I have been steadily keeping up with my exercise routine when my back permits and have enjoyed a slow weight gain so far.  Let's hope and pray I can keep it up and keep the weight gain reasonable.  I know that I will not fully make the 20 lb mark, but 25-30 this time is doable.  With Connor, I had far passed the 25 lb mark at 20 weeks.  Oops :) 

James and I have also decided to not find out what this baby is.  I'm not sure I can handle the suspense, but it definately will make it more fun when she arrives.  It also keeps a handle on my spending pre-baby!  We hired Martha Tesermann (http://www.joyinbirth.com/) to be my doula to aid my natural childbirth desires.  James and I are pretty excited about labor this time around, since we definately know what to expect.  Can't wait to meet this new one, but I'm not sure what we're going to do with TWO!!  It is sure going to be a wild ride.

I am so thankful for Pastor Brett because....

he is one of the strong, courageous pastors who I know will never back down when times get tough. The Bible teaches us that there will always be opposition when you choose Christianity as your path. It saddens me that in order for us to separate church and state, people want to completely remove Christianity all together. It also saddens me that there are pastors who are not willing to stand up and speak the Truth every Sunday. Please visit this web-site to see how you can take part of this movement-to keep the government out of our churches and out of Biblical teaching.

Church Project Video from Alliance Defense Fund on Vimeo.

Summer Days!

Connor and I have been having an awesome summer.  We got season passes to the local water park Castaway Cove and love getting to float around in the lazy river.  So far, he has gotten over his timidness in the water and this week we started learning to float, blow bubbles and even got to some kicking!  I think he will be a little swimmer by next summer.  These pictures are from our trip to the Iowa Park Splash and Spray Park with Jude, Jenn, and Brooke. 

Our trip to Florida!

We had such a great time in Florida.  It was awesome having Megan in the same house!  I think what I discovered is that I need more girl time :)  Here are just a few pictures from the trip.  There were a number of new firsts this trip as well (last trip was the first airplane ride and wagon ride down the isle).  He played putt-putt, picked shells on the beach, and even ran into a few waves! 

A group shot before we started playing. 

He kept stealingn our putters.  We tried to give him a baby one, but he knew it was different and wanted ours.  He might just be a golfer one day :)

Me and Megan-what a different trip to the beach then we used to take.  Our old trips would have included pitchers of margaritas, loud music and craziness.  This trip was a little more relaxing-just reading magazines, listening to ipods and chasing Connor around the sand.  Oh, and watching our husbands try to surf.  That was fun!

James and Connor building a sand castle-well sand airplane.  James was definately more into it than Connor was, but it was still fun.  In the end, the tide washed it all away, but it was still fun to build.

I feel like this picture just sums Connor up.  This would be his "I'm cute, funny and even though I'm driving you crazy by not sitting still and screaming my head off on the plane, I can still make you smile, right mom?" face.  Man, he is cute though isn't he?

Graduation

I thought I would be stoked.  Excited.  Overjoyed.  And I was....well...feeling whatever about the whole thing.  It is interesting how my personal success has no bearing on my life anymore.  Somehow, in transition to becoming a mother, my husband and son's successes have become more amazing to me.  Like when Connor learned to say "car" or "doggie" those moments made me tear up in pride.  Or when James won CGO of the Year from his squadron this past year-I was so proud of him it hurt.  It's amazing how life changes you and how learning to live like Jesus has changed me.  It has moved me away from myself and more focused on others.  Here is a picture from that day with me and my family-Gammy, Big Guy, and my mom.  Three people who have always pushed me to do better, be better and strive for more.  Thanks for all of your love and support!

My "green" thumb :)

Here is a sampling of things I'm growing around the house. I never in my life thought I would be spending my extra time outside gardening, but, hey-it's fun!

Here is a big head of lettuce from the garden that's below.

In the garden, I've planted lettuce, squash (yellow & zucchini), potatoes, onions, bell peppers and tomatoes.  There is also a blueberry "stick" and strawberry plants which aren't doing that great.

Here is the front flower bed.  The front is creeping phlox and mums.  I'm not sure the name of the pink and white flowers in the back.  I am still waiting for my hibiscus to grow back (I think the snow might have gotten it.)

This is the newest creation.  In the fall, I tilled up the corner of our backyard and made this flowerbed.  It looks sad in this picture, but rest assured, it has been watered and is brought back to life!

Self-Realization

Brooke recently blogged about the stumbling stone in Romans 9:30-33.  I am stealing this excerpt from her blog and it's The Message's translation of those verses, which really makes the Bible's verses make sense:

All those people who didn't seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as he straightened our their lives. And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their "God projects" that they didn't notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling. Isaiah (again!) gives us the metaphor for pulling this together: Careful! I've put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion, a stone you can't get around. But the stone is me! If you're looking for me, you'll find me on the way, not in the way.

I asked James last night what he thought my "stumbling stone" was.  He answered exactly the way I expected and kind of hoped he would.  His response?  My dad.  For almost my entire adult life, I have been trying to find an explanation of why things happened the way they did and almost have tried to force him to make up for what "he did to me."  I sat down this morning to write out why I haven't been responding to his phone calls and this is one of those times that words really just started flowing.  What I realized is that God has been here this entire time, waiting patiently for me to say "Jesus-you ARE enough."  I can see clearly now what it means to try to take matters into your own hands.  Every time I have done that, it has blown up in my face.  God always just wanted me to choose HIM first and realize that while earthly fathers may disappoint (heck, people in general disappoint) HE WILL NOT.  There is nothing I have done or will do to earn His love for me and that is so amazing.  He has loved me from day zero.  

I feel guilty for making my dad feel guilty for so long and for taking out all of my anger and frustration on him.  It just so happens that this was my stumbling stone that I have been trying to make sense of for so long and I finally get it.  Though not some earth shattering, ground breaking discovery, God just wants us to depend on Him, and Him alone.  His grace and mercy are sufficient. What is your stumbling stone?  Are you ready to climb on Jesus' back and make that hurdle over it?  

The next baby Killian!

Here he is!  (No, I don't know if it's a he yet, but he is universal in my book and seems so much better than "it")  I am about 11 weeks along already and my belly has really grown this past week-no weight gain (actually a 2 lb loss), but still my clothes are feeling really, really tight.  It might be time to bust out the 4 month maternity pants already :) 

I went in last Thursday for a routine follow-up to discuss the results of my blood work. After we were done discussing that I still did not have HIV or any STDs, Dr. Jones wanted to see if he could hear a heartbeat.  It was still a little early because he couldn't find a heartbeat or even my pulse so he decided to do an ultrasound.  Well-let's just say this is where it got scary.  I was looking at the screen and saw exactly what he saw-which was a whole lot of NOTHING.  He looked very concerned and gave me three options:

1) He is wrong and is using the machine wrong, which has only happened once in 25 years (he pulls random statistics out of his behind, which cracks me up).
2) I wasn't as far along as I thought I was, which was more than likely not the case since I had been keeping up with my cycles.
3) The pregnancy didn't take and I was going to have to decide how to proceed without James present.

He asked if there was anyone who could be with me because he was SURE that I had lost the baby.  They sat me in a room so I could regroup, which I used to pray.  It was weird because after I finished praying, there was this overwhelming calm as if God said "child, you'll be okay."  Connor was with me and started looking at pictures of babies on the wall and kept saying "baby" over and over and I just knew the Dr was wrong.  Dr. Jones worked with the sonogram technician to get me in immediately  who ended up doing a vaginal sonogram.  What I saw on the screen was just an answer to prayers.  A baby so alive, he was kicking and punching his knubby arms and legs as if to say "I'm here!" 

Creating life is one of life's precious miracles and I not wish to take it for granted.  Please continue to grow littl peanut, so we can meet you in November. 

Dreams

So, I've been having some CRAZY, early pregnancy dreams here lately. I remember dreaming when I was pregnant with Connor, but not like this. They have absolutely nothing to do with reality. NOTHING.

So, the first one I had I was a mom. A single mom. My boyfriend (yes, not husband) was a meth-head. Seriously. And so was I. We were all strung out and trying to care for a baby. It was a nightmare. Oh, and the BF? Looked nothing like James or any other boyfriend I've ever had. It was so bizarre...I must have been watching Intervention or something before I went to bed that night.

The second one was a little different and a little fuzzy. Basically, I was asked to choose between my high school bf and James..and...I woke up. We didn't live in our house, or any other house I had ever seen....and James was never in the dream. It was like he didn't really exist and I was back in high school all over again. I think we were talking about breaking up with "loves" the other night and he came up. That must have been why I was dreaming about that.

Okay, I know this sounds crazy, but with James being an AF pilot, it scares me. Really. His job is dangerous and I have no clue why I am dreaming about being alone. Two friends have been killed in flying accidents in the past two years and that is a scary statistic to me. I think that's what scares me the most. Maybe it's because he's about to leave for 2.5 weeks? Who knows....all I know is that I better not dream anything crazy tonight because I need some solid sleep. And he better never leave me. Ever.

Recent Videos-I finally figured it out!

Awesomeness :)

So, a few of us had the idea to get together and do our own mini Bible study to get to know each other better and learn about the Bible at the same time.  Let me just say, best idea EVER!  We have combined people from different churches, different stages of life, and pretty much from all different places in each of our lives.  How amazing it has been.  I love these women! Thanks for joining in everyone and it's been fun already!

We'll see if you catch it....

I have been patiently holding in a secret and I really just had tell someone-well blog, you are so lucky.  The whole family knows already, so why not let the secret out a little at a time via blog?  YES!  We are expecting baby #2 in November!  Who jumped up and down excited this time at 10 pm after I promised James I would not take ONE MORE PREGNANCY TEST?  ME!!!!!!!!!!  He has been telling everyone he knows, which I'm glad don't all know me or talk to me via Facebook because I would not have been able to keep it in this long.  So, there you go....ready for number 2!

He's on the move!

Here are a few super cute pictures from the past few weeks.  He loves to dig into drawers, talk on the telephone (he actually says hi), and just run from one end of the house dragging things ALL over!  Love this boy!

My, how time changes everything....

 

The smile that gets me up in the mornings :)

 I remember back to one year ago today-Connor was about 10 days old, my mom was getting ready to leave and I felt so sad-sad that this new beginning was coming to an end.  That same thing happened again when the family left after Connor's first birthday party and it just feels sad that life is moving so rapidly.  In the past year, I have been through so many life changes it's not even funny.  I remember looking so forward to going back to work, but when at work, hating every minute. I remember fighting being "just a mom" as I saw it. Then I remember taking that plunge and I honestly haven't looked back one time.  People always ask me why I got out, why I'm staying home when I will have my Masters' degree in May or if I miss work at all.  I can honestly say-I do not miss work at all.  The money was good, but we had too much-we have just what we need now and it makes me appreciate God's movement in our finances so much more. 

Yes, I sometimes feel like there is more to laundry, grocery shopping, and dirty diapers, but I have seriously never been so ME in all my life. I feel so thankful that I have a house to clean, a husband to feed, and a child who needs me to fill him up and shows me what I'm worth every day.  I have  gotten to dig into new relationships and build on ones that I started long ago.  It is so powerful to feel that Fairway is becoming my family FINALLY and that there are people here in Wichita Falls that I can truly call best friends and a ton of women that I truly love with all of my heart.  

I am so thankful for the gifts I have been blessed with.  Gifts of family, friends, and life in Jesus Christ that would have never thought possible. Ok, I'm done being mushy...just had to get that off my chest!!