Our trip to Florida!

We had such a great time in Florida.  It was awesome having Megan in the same house!  I think what I discovered is that I need more girl time :)  Here are just a few pictures from the trip.  There were a number of new firsts this trip as well (last trip was the first airplane ride and wagon ride down the isle).  He played putt-putt, picked shells on the beach, and even ran into a few waves! 

A group shot before we started playing. 

He kept stealingn our putters.  We tried to give him a baby one, but he knew it was different and wanted ours.  He might just be a golfer one day :)

Me and Megan-what a different trip to the beach then we used to take.  Our old trips would have included pitchers of margaritas, loud music and craziness.  This trip was a little more relaxing-just reading magazines, listening to ipods and chasing Connor around the sand.  Oh, and watching our husbands try to surf.  That was fun!

James and Connor building a sand castle-well sand airplane.  James was definately more into it than Connor was, but it was still fun.  In the end, the tide washed it all away, but it was still fun to build.

I feel like this picture just sums Connor up.  This would be his "I'm cute, funny and even though I'm driving you crazy by not sitting still and screaming my head off on the plane, I can still make you smile, right mom?" face.  Man, he is cute though isn't he?

Graduation

I thought I would be stoked.  Excited.  Overjoyed.  And I was....well...feeling whatever about the whole thing.  It is interesting how my personal success has no bearing on my life anymore.  Somehow, in transition to becoming a mother, my husband and son's successes have become more amazing to me.  Like when Connor learned to say "car" or "doggie" those moments made me tear up in pride.  Or when James won CGO of the Year from his squadron this past year-I was so proud of him it hurt.  It's amazing how life changes you and how learning to live like Jesus has changed me.  It has moved me away from myself and more focused on others.  Here is a picture from that day with me and my family-Gammy, Big Guy, and my mom.  Three people who have always pushed me to do better, be better and strive for more.  Thanks for all of your love and support!

My "green" thumb :)

Here is a sampling of things I'm growing around the house. I never in my life thought I would be spending my extra time outside gardening, but, hey-it's fun!

Here is a big head of lettuce from the garden that's below.

In the garden, I've planted lettuce, squash (yellow & zucchini), potatoes, onions, bell peppers and tomatoes.  There is also a blueberry "stick" and strawberry plants which aren't doing that great.

Here is the front flower bed.  The front is creeping phlox and mums.  I'm not sure the name of the pink and white flowers in the back.  I am still waiting for my hibiscus to grow back (I think the snow might have gotten it.)

This is the newest creation.  In the fall, I tilled up the corner of our backyard and made this flowerbed.  It looks sad in this picture, but rest assured, it has been watered and is brought back to life!

Self-Realization

Brooke recently blogged about the stumbling stone in Romans 9:30-33.  I am stealing this excerpt from her blog and it's The Message's translation of those verses, which really makes the Bible's verses make sense:

All those people who didn't seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as he straightened our their lives. And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their "God projects" that they didn't notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling. Isaiah (again!) gives us the metaphor for pulling this together: Careful! I've put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion, a stone you can't get around. But the stone is me! If you're looking for me, you'll find me on the way, not in the way.

I asked James last night what he thought my "stumbling stone" was.  He answered exactly the way I expected and kind of hoped he would.  His response?  My dad.  For almost my entire adult life, I have been trying to find an explanation of why things happened the way they did and almost have tried to force him to make up for what "he did to me."  I sat down this morning to write out why I haven't been responding to his phone calls and this is one of those times that words really just started flowing.  What I realized is that God has been here this entire time, waiting patiently for me to say "Jesus-you ARE enough."  I can see clearly now what it means to try to take matters into your own hands.  Every time I have done that, it has blown up in my face.  God always just wanted me to choose HIM first and realize that while earthly fathers may disappoint (heck, people in general disappoint) HE WILL NOT.  There is nothing I have done or will do to earn His love for me and that is so amazing.  He has loved me from day zero.  

I feel guilty for making my dad feel guilty for so long and for taking out all of my anger and frustration on him.  It just so happens that this was my stumbling stone that I have been trying to make sense of for so long and I finally get it.  Though not some earth shattering, ground breaking discovery, God just wants us to depend on Him, and Him alone.  His grace and mercy are sufficient. What is your stumbling stone?  Are you ready to climb on Jesus' back and make that hurdle over it?  

The next baby Killian!

Here he is!  (No, I don't know if it's a he yet, but he is universal in my book and seems so much better than "it")  I am about 11 weeks along already and my belly has really grown this past week-no weight gain (actually a 2 lb loss), but still my clothes are feeling really, really tight.  It might be time to bust out the 4 month maternity pants already :) 

I went in last Thursday for a routine follow-up to discuss the results of my blood work. After we were done discussing that I still did not have HIV or any STDs, Dr. Jones wanted to see if he could hear a heartbeat.  It was still a little early because he couldn't find a heartbeat or even my pulse so he decided to do an ultrasound.  Well-let's just say this is where it got scary.  I was looking at the screen and saw exactly what he saw-which was a whole lot of NOTHING.  He looked very concerned and gave me three options:

1) He is wrong and is using the machine wrong, which has only happened once in 25 years (he pulls random statistics out of his behind, which cracks me up).
2) I wasn't as far along as I thought I was, which was more than likely not the case since I had been keeping up with my cycles.
3) The pregnancy didn't take and I was going to have to decide how to proceed without James present.

He asked if there was anyone who could be with me because he was SURE that I had lost the baby.  They sat me in a room so I could regroup, which I used to pray.  It was weird because after I finished praying, there was this overwhelming calm as if God said "child, you'll be okay."  Connor was with me and started looking at pictures of babies on the wall and kept saying "baby" over and over and I just knew the Dr was wrong.  Dr. Jones worked with the sonogram technician to get me in immediately  who ended up doing a vaginal sonogram.  What I saw on the screen was just an answer to prayers.  A baby so alive, he was kicking and punching his knubby arms and legs as if to say "I'm here!" 

Creating life is one of life's precious miracles and I not wish to take it for granted.  Please continue to grow littl peanut, so we can meet you in November. 

Dreams

So, I've been having some CRAZY, early pregnancy dreams here lately. I remember dreaming when I was pregnant with Connor, but not like this. They have absolutely nothing to do with reality. NOTHING.

So, the first one I had I was a mom. A single mom. My boyfriend (yes, not husband) was a meth-head. Seriously. And so was I. We were all strung out and trying to care for a baby. It was a nightmare. Oh, and the BF? Looked nothing like James or any other boyfriend I've ever had. It was so bizarre...I must have been watching Intervention or something before I went to bed that night.

The second one was a little different and a little fuzzy. Basically, I was asked to choose between my high school bf and James..and...I woke up. We didn't live in our house, or any other house I had ever seen....and James was never in the dream. It was like he didn't really exist and I was back in high school all over again. I think we were talking about breaking up with "loves" the other night and he came up. That must have been why I was dreaming about that.

Okay, I know this sounds crazy, but with James being an AF pilot, it scares me. Really. His job is dangerous and I have no clue why I am dreaming about being alone. Two friends have been killed in flying accidents in the past two years and that is a scary statistic to me. I think that's what scares me the most. Maybe it's because he's about to leave for 2.5 weeks? Who knows....all I know is that I better not dream anything crazy tonight because I need some solid sleep. And he better never leave me. Ever.

Recent Videos-I finally figured it out!