Our beautiful son

There are no words to describe how much I love our son. I think to put it into words, you would have to compare God's love for all his children to my love for Connor.

The first two weeks after delivering, I truly missed having Connor all to myself. I remember the first time I took a bath and I seriously felt lonely. James never really knew this, but my bath time (that I got yelled at for because our water bill was through the roof for a few months) was my time for just me and Connor. That is when I would talk to him, sing to him, or just trace my fingers across my belly to see if he would kick. He usually did :) It is just weird that for nine whole months, he is always with you. You can go anywhere and he is there. So, there was a lot of jealousy during those first few weeks when EVERYONE and their mother wanted to have him.

As it gets closer (only a few more days) to my time to go back to work, I am a bit anxious and nervous to take Connor to daycare. I feel somewhat guilty that I'm excited to work again. I have really loved every minute of being home, but just don't feel at this time that being home is for me yet. I think I will need the next year to make an actual decision. I guess I felt like God would have this booming voice after I delivered giving me a decision...but....here I stand. Still on the fence. And, I feel guilty for not really being all that concerned about actually making a decision either. A lot of people want to ask what I'm going to do and my response is "what I'm doing already." Is that so wrong? People that know me really well know not to ask, because there is no point in discussing it. I truly love being an Air Force officer and feel that I have been led there by God. He has also led me to be a mother, which means for now, I get the opportunity to do both.

So, to second on Brooke's quest to PRAY BIG, I will be praying for an answer and that whatever God throws in our way, it's for the best for our family. The big prayer would be for the A-10 or F-15E for James. Either one would give me the answer I am looking for and either plane would be OK with James. You see, if he gets either, I could remain on active duty and keep our family together. If he doesn't get either, I will be hanging up the boots and trading them in for house slippers....I will say it's been nice being barefoot for 7 weeks =)

I do thank God for all the wonderful firsts I have gotten to see while I have been home. I have watched him grow from a 7 lb baby into almost 10 lbs and can roll over! Yes folks, he smiles and ROLLS over! What an advanced, strong little boy.