Self-Realization

Brooke recently blogged about the stumbling stone in Romans 9:30-33.  I am stealing this excerpt from her blog and it's The Message's translation of those verses, which really makes the Bible's verses make sense:

All those people who didn't seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as he straightened our their lives. And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their "God projects" that they didn't notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling. Isaiah (again!) gives us the metaphor for pulling this together: Careful! I've put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion, a stone you can't get around. But the stone is me! If you're looking for me, you'll find me on the way, not in the way.

I asked James last night what he thought my "stumbling stone" was.  He answered exactly the way I expected and kind of hoped he would.  His response?  My dad.  For almost my entire adult life, I have been trying to find an explanation of why things happened the way they did and almost have tried to force him to make up for what "he did to me."  I sat down this morning to write out why I haven't been responding to his phone calls and this is one of those times that words really just started flowing.  What I realized is that God has been here this entire time, waiting patiently for me to say "Jesus-you ARE enough."  I can see clearly now what it means to try to take matters into your own hands.  Every time I have done that, it has blown up in my face.  God always just wanted me to choose HIM first and realize that while earthly fathers may disappoint (heck, people in general disappoint) HE WILL NOT.  There is nothing I have done or will do to earn His love for me and that is so amazing.  He has loved me from day zero.  

I feel guilty for making my dad feel guilty for so long and for taking out all of my anger and frustration on him.  It just so happens that this was my stumbling stone that I have been trying to make sense of for so long and I finally get it.  Though not some earth shattering, ground breaking discovery, God just wants us to depend on Him, and Him alone.  His grace and mercy are sufficient. What is your stumbling stone?  Are you ready to climb on Jesus' back and make that hurdle over it?