Female vs. Male Ratio

We all know I grew up in a single parent home-and that parent was my mom. In our family, it was just my mom, my sister, and me. All girls. Even our pets were girls. We first had Chelsea (cocker spaniel), then Belle (a pointer), then came Zoe (another pointer, but Ashley's dog). The first "man in the house" was Sammy-my dog that I still have. I wonder if that was some foreshadowing?

It was just interesting to me that even though I grew up around all women, I am currently comfortably surrounded my men. James, Connor, Sammy, & Stewart-all males. It is so interesting to me how God can just flip life whenever he chooses.  I have had many dreams about the baby and the outcome is always the same.  I wake up joyfullying saying "it's Jacob!" I am so anxious to find out what this next baby is, but I think I know.  When I was pregnant with Connor, I knew almost immediately that he was a boy.  It's taken me a while to get that feeling, but my gut says boy. 

I was told by a lady at work the other day that I gained the "back/hip fat" that you gain when you are pregnant with a boy.  I've only gained 26 lbs so far, but I can see what she means.  I do have that, so maybe her old wives tail will just be true.  Only three more weeks until we know for sure!

Sammy :)

He's always been my main muse when it comes to taking pictures.  He seems to fully understand what I want him to do and when.  I captured this one yesterday-it seems like my three days of photography have culminated nicely in this picture.  I love this dog.  Even when he barks and wakes up Connor prematurely from a nap.  Even when he is on top of me when I sleep and can't roll over to get off of a stiff leg.  Even when he poops at my feet RIGHT after I let him outside.  Even when he pees all over himself when James is "disciplining" him.  Even when he digs holes in the backyard to escape.  Even when he eats out of the litter box and tries to kiss me right after.  This dog is irreplaceable and there will never, ever be another Sammy.

The BEST birthday present EVER!

So, I've been whining about wanting a Canon Rebel for YEARS now.  Ever since I used one in High School for the yearbook and journalism, I've been dying to have my own.  James cashed in our credit card rewards and VOILA!  I am the proud new owner of a Canon Rebel T1i.  He says it's money well spent and I should never have to hire a photographer again (we'll see about that.) I've had so much fun these past two days playing with the manual settings and trying to stay away from using the presets.  Here are just a few of the things I captured today while Connor was outside playing.  I was having fun with the lighting and shutter speeds.  I can already tell this blog will soon be full of pictures, pictures, and more pictures!  Can you tell I'm EXCITED?!?

My first picture with the camera :) 

I love how blue this makes his eyes-toying with settings and lighting.

Boo!

I was trying to blur out everything behind Sammy.  I think I was semi-successful.

Professional?  Maybe close!

Here I was trying to wash out everything behind him and just have him.  I think it kinda worked.

Ending It...

My love/hate relationship with Facebook that is.  I have been wanting to deactivate my account for a long time.  I have been logging into the site since 2004.  For 6 years, I have dedicated countless hours to peeking into the lives of friends and sometimes, strangers.  What started off as a fun way to keep up to date on cute boys & where people were hanging out on Friday nights, has ended up as a way to lazily keep tabs on friends and family. 

It's time for a change.  I have decided that since I can't control my urge to log on, I will just deactivate the account until I can figure out how to-if ever. 

There is a lot about internet communication that bothers me. I don't like when people ask favors over the internet (or text messages for that matter).  I don't like only knowing someone by their facebook profile.  I don't like how messages can be misinterpreted.  I don't like how I can misinterpret messages.  Basically, I don't like anything other than face to face communication.  Things always get jumbled otherwise.  I also don't like how easy it is for me to depersonalize people and react in mean ways, when I otherwise may not have done so.  I don't like how lazy it has made me in calling friends-new and old.  Bottom line is, it is time to get back to basics. 

James and I got rid of our cable television over a month ago and that has been so freeing.  In these past 6 weeks, I have studied the Bible more, read more books, cleaned house, made dinners, and spent more time on the floor reading & playing with Connor.  The logical next step was to delete my other time waster-Facebook.  So, for now, this blog and our Shutterfly Site (connorjkillian.shutterfly.com) are the only online links to the Killian household.   

Connor's Growing Vocabulary

I wanted to start a list of Connor's words and keep telling myself "write this stuff down!"  Well, I am getting progressively worse at putting anything on paper, so here you go blog.  You get the list! 

Mommy
Daddy
NiNi (Judy at my mom's office)
MiMi (my mom)
Sammy (which sounds like Namy)
My Meow (Stewart)
Car
Beep-Beep (truck)
Daddy's (airplanes)
Peach
Night-Night
Doodie (typical boy)
Juice
Hewo (hello)
Bye-Bye
Beans
Bock-Bock (when eating chicken )
Moo (when eating beef)

More new ones are added everyday, but my favorite that he said is "my mommy!"  I love that-it's his version of "I love you Mom."

Already a sweet big brother!

You can't always get what you want...

But you will find in time-you get what you need.  So, assignments came down and while I still wake up in the middle of the night with dreams that they have changed, they haven't.  Here's the skinny.  James wanted this:

The F-15 E.  But instead, he got this:

The B-52

Were we disappointed? Sure. James was needless to say devastated. How is it that you go from the #1 CGO in your squadron the year prior to the bottom guy? I also happened to peek at his ranking from pilot training while I worked in the Wing and know for a fact he would have gotten his number one choice of fighters had he not put instructor down first.  Can we talk about guilt that I wanted him to stay with me instead of going off, pursuing his dreams? 

I guess for all you non-military folks-most pilots do not want to fly a bomber (especially fighter guys). It is for the "sissies." So, in order for James to get his last choice, we have to assume he was ranked pretty low amongst his peers, which I still don't understand, but isn't that the point?

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

Our main prayer over the last three years looking to the assignment drop was just that His will was done.  We never prayed specifics (sometimes I did, but not regularly).  It was if in a way, we knew all along He had something greater in store for us as a family.  Through the course of this mourning/healing process we have come to agree on a few things.  One, we know this life is not our own and that sometimes, Faith isn't understanding why you are following in that exact moment.  Sometimes Faith is following without knowing where you are going.  Blind Faith.  Interesting concept, right?  Second, when have we as humans ever known what we really want or really need?  God is the big planner, not us, so why on earth would we know what was best? 

After going through the list of positives versus negatives, there are way more positives to this air frame than the others.  One, it is way more family friendly.  James wants to be home more as it is, so this will be the perfect fit in that aspect.  Second, James' personality will match a lot better in a bomber community.  We all know James is a quiet dude (he is type A under the surface) but in a fighter community, it would have been more of a struggle for him to exert himself.  Third, there are a ton of great people in these communities. We have friends from Baylor and Sheppard that are all there, so we are excited about that.  Fourth, being a bomber pilot as a former FAIP is actually a good deal.  He can go straight to being the aircraft commander vs having to do years worth of upgrades that he would have done as a fighter guy.  And finally, he still gets to drop bombs.  TONS of them! 

I have already started planning our life in Shreveport and am ready for this new adventure.  I am trusting right now that God has a plan and I will follow it.  Sometimes you don't understand why things happen, but in the long run, you can always look back and see the purpose in anything.