Jacob Brian

Jacob is my lover.  He will always come up to me hug me and say "I-o-u" which is his way of saying "I love you." You can count on him to hug you when you need it.  He looks up to Connor so much.  He is a huge copy cat and will do whatever Connor is doing-no matter if it means danger.  I often find Jacob hiding in some ridiculous places.  The other day, i was searching for him, and what do you know?  He was sitting in our entry closet, waiting for me to open the door.  As soon as I did he said "boo!" He thought that was pretty hilarious. 

He loves sticks, bugs, and rocks.  He lovingly calls all bugs "buggies." My favorite bug story from this summer is when he tried to pick up a Texas Red Headed Centipede (which is venomous).  He was so sad!  He looked and pointed at the thing like "why buggy why I love you!"

You can always find him rolling, jumping, or whatever in the grass.  He's an outdoors boy!

Gosh he loves his big brother.

He also loves sweets.  "Mallows" are his favorite :)

BUSTED!  This is one of his favorite climbing spots.  He'll go from the toilet, to the trash can, to the sink. 

Connor James

 I haven't done one of these in a LONG time, so I better get on this while my house is quiet.  Connor is a BOY.  Like really.  No diapers, no crib, no anything babyish anymore.  We're even out of toddler sizes.  Just a boy. 

He started a five day pre-school at the beginning of September and he is thriving.  It is a play based program (no desks!) and he just loves learning and people.  He's an overthinker, and like me, talks while he's thinking.  He's "bossy" like me too, but I'm trying my best to channel it into leadership.  I don't want him to ever question the personality that God has given him!  He's a great big brother, and loves helping Jacob whenever he can. Here are a few pictures: 

First day of pre-school

First ever big boy bike! He's so stinking proud of this thing.  I often catch him cleaning it, fixing tires, and just general upkeep. 

He's still funny.  His faces are the best!

No more booster seat.  Just sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal (that he poured himself) and telling me about life.  He can also now pour his own cups of milk, clip his own fingernails, put on his own shoes (velcro only), and can buckle himself into his carseat.

I just love this picture of him.  He's so stinking handsome!

Where is Jacob

These days, I seem to play a big game of "Where is Waldo" with Jacob.  It's incredible to me that this little boy has the mastermind to do some of the things he does.  He's a quiet sneak!  Here are a few of his favorite climbing spots:

Bless the Lord

So, if you know me, you know there is always a soundtrack to my life.  Seriously, I have a song for everything.  On Sunday, we sang this song in church.  I literally sat and sobbed (alone might I add) in my pew.  It made me think about Gammy.  A lot. 

"And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore"


On Gammy's final days, she was unable to communitate except through grunts, some hand gestures, or her eyes.  What sticks out to me the most were here eyes.  You could still feel her presence.  You could feel her love.  You could sense her passion for life and her family.  Her eyes could almost burn into your soul. 

On my dying days, I hope I too am surrounded by my family, looking at me lovingly, and look at them with such JOY in the midst of staring death in the face. 

This has been the hardest summer of my life. At moments, I've felt empty, sad, mad, and incredibly angry at God.  I hate that she suffered.  I hate that she had to go so soon.  I hate that I had to deal with it all alone, with a husband who is thousands of miles away.  I hate watching my Big Guy so incredibly sad. 

But, even in the midst of my sorrow, I've seen so much good coming our way. I've reminded myself that: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 I have come a long way in three months, but I feel like I can finally pick up my Bible again and say these words:

"You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name"

So ready...

For this man to be coming back the other direction.  So, so ready. 

And that is all I have to say about that. 

Lessons in Deployment

Here we are.  Half-way through our first deployment.  And life is...getting easier?  I hate saying that, but we are finally getting into the swing of things.  The picture below is a typical day.  Both kids always seem to cry at the same time and need attention from mom.  It's my job to give it, but whoa mama!  Below are just a few random thoughts from these past three months!

1. Anything bad that's going to happen WILL happen.  And probably all at once. 

2.  Sometimes you have to sacrifice things you would normally not do (like feed your kids macaroni and cheese or chicken nuggets for every meal, not bathing them every night, or brush their teeth). 

3.  Asking for help is hard, but OH SO NECESSARY.

4.  Taking time out for me is very important. 

5.  Living with family is amazing.  I honestly never want to leave.

6.  Reading romance novels (ahem...50 Shades) while your husband is away is also another very bad idea. 

7.  There really is nothing better than receiving a love letter from your husband. 

8.  Little boys have a death wish.  They like to push their limits and they may not survive until October.  Seriously.

9.  I am a terrible disciplinarian.  James will have a whole lot of undoing to do when he gets home. 

10.  Sometimes, there is no other option than to sit on the floor with both of your crying kids, hug them tight, and cry right along with them.

Going Home

For the past ten years, after every visit home to Bellville my last stop has always been Gammy and Big Guy's house.  Driving away last October, I stared into my rear view mirror as long as I could watching Gammy waving goodbye, tears rolling down her face (and mine) with Big Guy standing strong with one hand on her shoulder.  The view was always the same, but last October I couldn't help thinking it might be the last time I saw that.

I received some not so good news this past weekend about my Gammy.  If you're my close friend, you know that she's been battling kidney failure since the Fall.  I guess in the past few weeks her memory has been going as well and she's not eating, which is just not good for someone who needs every ounce of nutrition to get her body back in shape!

So.  Here I sit.  Poised and ready to drive home for what could be some of my last memories with one of the most amazing women I've ever known.  And it hurts.  A LOT.

I don't have a single memory without her in it.  So, instead of dwelling on the sadness or the fear of the unknown, I want to remember a few of my favorite memories of Gammy.   Here goes:


*Every Christmas and Easter was spent at Gammy's house.  That isn't something I can explain, but she sure knew how to draw her family close, keep them close, and make holidays something special.  

* Every year before school started, Gammy always took Ashley and I shopping for school clothes.  One thing we could always count on Gammy for was keeping us well dressed :)  I remember browsing the clearance racks, skipping through the "trendy" stuff and getting lots of basics.  We always got the cafeteria Chinese food and it was awesome.  For a girl with a humble upbringing, I do not ever remember feeling under-dressed.  She made sure we had nice clothes always.  


*We spent a lot of our weekends growing up at Gammy and Big Guy's lakehouse.  We always drove in Big Guy's Ford Aerostar minivan and always stopped in Madisonville for fried chicken and okra. She then always had a big breakfast on Saturday morning, hot dogs in the afternoon, and Big Guy's ribs at night.  I'm still not sure how we weren't all 300 lbs from all of the eating we did growing up!  

*One of my earliest memories I can remember of Gammy was one weekend when they were still living in their big house on Old 36, was us trying to grill steaks.  I'm not sure where everyone else was, but it was just me and Gammy.  She had me help fix them and of course, we burned them, but they were still pink on the inside.  It was our favorite way to order steaks from that point on and was our special order from that point on.

*She was at every soccer game, tee-ball game, tennis match, volleyball match...it didn't matter what sport it was, she was there.  Sometimes she drove you crazy on the sidelines if you messed up (she was kinda loud in disappointment), but it wouldn't have been the same without her there.  

*All through school, you sometimes dreaded that 7 am wake-up call.  Gammy loved to call around 7 or 7:30 am and talk forever.  We all know I was always running late, so I am sure I was rude, but I will always remember those calls. 
 
*She was among the first visitors for both boys after they were born.  She brought the party always:  olive spread, wine, beer and cookies.  What more could a new mother ask for?  (haha!)

*I love the way she always called you on your cell phone and said "I know it's on your dime!"  Because after years of trying to explain how cell phones worked, she finally got it, but then cell phones changed to unlimited plans and we never could revert her back. 

*Ashley, Paige, Rhea, you know what I'm talking about with this one, but anytime you were in a public bathroom and she tooted, she always said "Oops, excuse me!"  We always died laughing, she always pretended nothing happened, but seriously!  The woman talks through everything!


*And all of the countless hours she spent teaching me how to cook, clean, and sew.  I used to love sitting with her in her room in the Old 36 house, watch her sew while listening to her soap opera and just soaking her in.  She taught me way more about marriage than I even thought at the time, but she was a strong, independent woman who knew how to melt into her husbands arms and let him take care of her. She had a sneaky way of always making Big Guy think her ideas were his ideas.

*I love the way she still pats me on the butt and calls me tootie pootie, just the same as she has since I was old enough to stand.  I love how she tells me "you're my girl" every time we're about to hang up the phone.

So, here we go.  Off to the land of the unknown.  Off to hug a woman who means the world to me.